Are You Married to Your Wounds?

by Carl H. Stevens


People leave churches for a variety of reasons, many of which they are willing to openly express. Often, people go away simply because they received the grace of God in vain – and they don’t even discern what they are doing.

They hear the Scriptures, but instead of growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ, they leave. They refuse to stand in grace. As a result, they cannot cultivate an access to God and rejoice in the hope of His glory. So, they marry the wounds that reside in their unconscious minds. Those wounds begin to control their experiences, because Satan has damaged their capacity for God.

This booklet presents fresh thoughts in an eternal context on the subject of wounds. Where one bad experience or bad decision will cause a bruise, repeated acts will cause a wound. Here, we will show that these wounds can be mollified – but only with the oil of the Holy Spirit.

Fighting Familiarity

“Why should ye be stricken any more? ye will revolt more and more: the whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint.

” From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment” (Isaiah 1:5-6).

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).

As Christians, we can experience spiritual joy in our emotions, which causes our present experience to equal our eternal position. How is that possible? It comes as we are Spirit-taught. When we hear the Word of God with sanctified ears (ears that are accountable to heaven), using opportunities of grace, we will be Spirit-taught.

A Spirit-taught person doesn’t have “bad” spiritual days. He confesses his failure in an instant, so the moment does not become a minute, an hour, and then a day. The negative effects of failure don’t carry over, accumulating sores that become wounds. Instead, the Spirit-taught believer keeps growing in grace.

The Progression of the Opposition

Though we always need to grow, we grow in grace. Even failure becomes an opportunity for grace to meet us as we progress in our Christian walk. But standing against our progression to such joy is Satan, the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

The Greek word for “steal” is klepto, and it speaks of embezzlement, which in this case is the misappropriation of truth to the conscience, where the norms and standards of the soul are weighed. The devil seeks to cheat us out of our capacity by getting us to live in self-consciousness and not God-consciousness.

The Greek word for “kill” is thuo. Satan wants more than just to steal. In fact, he aims to kill our capacities by rendering them lifeless. We end up sacrificing spiritual privileges to fulfill our flesh by entering into pleasure apart from God.

Satan, however, is not satisfied with murdering our capacity. He knows that God has a way of resurrecting things that have died. Therefore, he seeks to “destroy” (appolumi in the Greek), to annihilate the thing he killed so it can never be restored – to completely destroy the believer’ s walk with God.

Familiarity: The Key to Destruction

As a thief, the devil comes to cheat your capacity. You may even attend services but you fail to receive a blessing because you are fellowshipping with a thief. He is trying to get your flesh to kill the things of God as you live in Adam on the broad road to destruction.

A person on the road to destruction seeks to save his life in order to have the unlimited privileges of the broad road, though those privileges come with a great price. The key that Satan uses to gain entrance to his capacity is familiarity.The key that Satan uses to gain entrance to his capacity is familiarity. Click To Tweet

Satan can only deceive minds that have become familiar with what God sees as rare, holy, and set apart for His use alone. Familiarity enters in where holiness has been stolen and eternal purpose has been destroyed, because the Cross (which represents the devil’s defeat once and for all) has been nullified in our experience.

Capacities Attacked in the Nervous System

Satan attacks capacities through the natural process of the human psyche as it is attached to the central nervous system of the body. This system controls the mind (conscious and subconscious) and the body, as millions of nerve cells (ganglia) respond to the billions of vibrations we encounter every moment of our lives.

Satan attempts to regulate these vibrations in an effort to see that we become attached or “married” to the old sin nature and to the wounds festering in our unconscious mind. Spirit-taught believers may be broken yet they live in amazing revival. But people who are married to their wounds from the past do not hear the Word that was sent to heal them (Psalm 107:20; Matthew 4:23).

By responding to Satan’s lies, people have been supernaturally damaged, yet they blame someone on earth for their wounds. Try as they might, they cannot find release. But Scripture says that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers in the satanic atmosphere (Ephesians 6:12).

Spiritual Sleepwalkers

“And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed.

“The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light” (Romans 13:11-12).

Believers who are married to their wounds are living in “somnambulism” or spiritual sleep-walking. The wounds of the unconscious mind have worked their way into the conscious mind, causing them to be numb to God and to the Word. The result is confusion and projections of guilt and insecurity that come from living in Satan’s lies. When this happens to a woman, she may easily start to cry or to become jealous. A man may fall into depression, anger, and jealousy. The sad thing is that it all began with allowing the sacred to become familiar. Click To Tweet

When it is allowed to enter the scene, familiarity hurts children and destroys families. One of the great sins today is with those who say, “I will not submit to a man’s authority,” even if that authority comes from God. Some parents don’t honor God and speak against other believers, and then they wonder why the children start rebelling against Him.

But in spite of his attacks, the subtlety of the devil, who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy, is defeated by humble men and women who also believe that Jesus came to give life more abundantly (John 10:10 b). They choose to be filled with the Spirit as they walk by faith, moment to moment.

Choices That Lead To The Enemy’s Defeat

“He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life” (1 John 5:12).

” Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed. Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears” (Hebrews 12:12-17).

“Looking diligently” in Hebrews 12:15 is episkopeo in the Greek text. This speaks of guarding our hearts on purpose, and making choices so that a root of bitterness does not spring up.

Who Is the Issue?

Esau made certain choices and ended up forfeiting what belonged to him by birthright. He was rejected because he was familiar with God, with Isaac his father, with Rebecca his mother, and with Jacob his brother. The thief came in and stole his purpose from him. His capacity for God was robbed, then killed, and ultimately destroyed. He never did get saved but tried to lie his way through, spiritually speaking. Esau was rejected because he lived for himself and made his own life the issue.Esau was rejected because he was familiar with God, with Isaac his father, with Rebecca his mother, and with Jacob his brother. Click To Tweet

Likewise, when challenged with the truth of the Gospel, many people make their own lives the issue. Not wanting to let go of temporal pleasures, they choose to live for themselves instead of getting to know Jesus Christ personally.

Occasionally we hear of Christians who just get up and decide to leave their local church. Their church preaches the Gospel, but Satan starts a conspiracy in their hearts that begins with whispers, then voices. Even though God is blessing that church, they leave and stop the experiential blessings of grace for themselves and their families. They are still under God’s grace, but the blessings of that grace they cannot receive. Too often, ministries get the blame when the reality is that those people personally failed the grace of God and received it in vain.

Psalm 55:19 says that affliction comes to those who do not change. There is never a change in their lives pertaining to grace. They do not receive a provision of grace for their need. They have no reverence for God’s grace, so they are afflicted. They reap what they have sown in their lives.

More churches have been destroyed through familiarity than through any other means. Familiar people have been robbed and cheated by the great thief, Satan. Their capacities for God have been destroyed.

Some say, “I don’t feel the same about God.”

Many of us would agree that if we lived by our feelings, we would have quit long ago. That is why I have developed a plan to deal with my feelings when they try to counsel me. I have names for my feelings – Frustration, Resentment, Depression, and so on. I identify negative feelings and I speak out against them with the Word of God. That way, they can never control me.

By having faith in the living God, I can feel truly blessed.

God Consciousness: Everything Is New

The Spirit-taught Christian hears messages and is conscious only of what God is doing and not of what is going on around him. When he hears his pastor preach about the grace and mercy that paid all his debt and the Blood that wipes out every trace of a mark, it is as if he had never heard a Finished Work message before. This is true in the sense that every day is new. When we get up in the morning and must face a world filled with its problems and satanic attacks, we must make brand-new decisions as we are hid in Christ and His Word. Unless we allow God to bring renewal in the mind, unless we continue to see everything as new, then we will just become proud knowledge-seekers.

“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

“But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.

“For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God.

“Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God.

“Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy [Spirit] teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.

“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

“But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

“For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 2:9-16).

Chapter Three

Spirit-Taught in the Finished Work

“We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.

“(For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)

“Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed:

“But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,

“In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings;

“By pureness, by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy [Spirit], by love unfeigned,

“By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left,

“By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true;

“As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed;

“As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.

“O ye Corinthians, our mouth is open unto you, our heart is enlarged.

” Ye are not straitened in us, but ye are straitened in your own bowels” (2 Corinthians 6:1-12).

Every word of Scripture is brand-new. What I hear in Christ today is something I never knew before today. I hear the Word and I am enraptured – caught up – and I become conscious only of what God is doing, not of what is going on around me.

The Spirit-taught believer is not self-conscious as he is being taught. He is only God-conscious, being transformed and conformed to Christ’s image moment by moment.

When Paul says, “I beseech you that you receive not the grace of God in vain,” in 2 Corinthians 6:1, he is saying that we must go from theology to reality. We must take what we have heard and experience it. We must let what we hear cross over into our lifestyle.

Some will judge others who have sinned, though they are covered in the process by the New Covenant, in the plan of restoration (1 Corinthians 2:15). But a Finished Work Christian cannot be judged. He has passed from death unto life. Yes, he is accountable and he is to be restored through true repentance – but never judged. Judgment was passed on him once and for all at the Cross. By faith, he and we now stand as co-laborers together with God.

Obedience Brings Blessings

“Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

“Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again” (Luke 6:36-38).

“And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth” (Exodus 34:6).

“Judge not and you shall not be judged.” What is God talking about? He is talking about grace and mercy. Grace is God giving us blessings that we don’t deserve, and mercy is God withholding penalties that we do deserve. God shakes together all of our obedience, then He brings men and women to us who will bless us the way we bless others. This is a mystical act of sowing and reaping love.

That is the sad thing about Esau: He sowed the wrong things. He never really turned to God, who loved him when he couldn’t find a place for repentance (Hebrews 12:17), though he cried and cried. God had paid for everything Esau had done, yet Esau never got to know that place of love. Still, Esau was responsible because his father Isaac had taught these principles to him. Rebekah made mistakes, but she also taught Esau about the love of God. He didn’t pay attention to what he heard, so it wasn’t real for him when he needed it.

Esau’s familiarity with what he was taught was what destroyed him. He was married to his wants and wounds and would not let love release him. Love takes care of sin and even takes away the desire for sin so quickly, making us hungry for more righteousness.

Humble Hearts Find Forgiveness

“And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others:

“Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.

“The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.

“I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.

“And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.

“I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted” (Luke 18:9-14).

The publican was everything that the Pharisee said he was – a fornicator and a crook – however, he wanted a change. He would not even look up to heaven. He didn’t dare to come near the altar. He felt too guilty to even look up toward heaven. All he could say was, “Lord, be merciful to me a sinner.”

The Pharisee, on the other hand, was a man married to his religious unconscious mind. He ran down the list of what he had done for God. He fasted twice a week, and probably more than made up for it the rest of the week. But this man could only congratulate himself. He was not free; he was married to his wounds of legalism.

Now, picture what God did in the publican’s heart. The Lord totally set him free. The Holy Spirit let this man know that he was completely forgiven. The thief, the murderer, the destroyer no longer had a hold on him. The Life Giver, Jesus Christ, filled him to overflowing eternal love that removed every trace of old wounds.


If you have captured this message with an understanding heart, you realize that no matter how intense the battle, you don’t have to faint. You are receiving the grace of God and growing in the Person of Grace. You cannot fail it even when you fail. Failure is not failing grace; failure is making wrong decisions about something that has already been paid for.

In 1 Chronicles 28:9, God declared to Solomon that He searches the heart to find what causes people to live in their wounds and marry their unconscious problems. God knows why people act the way they do. He searches all the understandings of the heart, and He recognizes every imagination of every thought of every man.

God knows the wounds we are clinging to, and He is trying to show us how we can be free from them. We have to recognize our need for His grace. Grace does not force itself or its provision into our experience. It is something we must receive by faith. Then, no matter what kind of assault comes against us to rob, kill, and destroy our joy, abundant life will be our reality day after day.

Carl H. Stevens

Carl H. Stevens

(1929-2008) pastored and established thriving churches and Bible colleges in Maine, Massachusetts, and Maryland. He also helped pioneer Christian talk radio through Telephone Time and the Grace Hour and authored nearly 500 books and booklets. See also the Carl H Stevens Memorial Site
Carl H. Stevens

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  1. Reply
    Shalin Salins says

    Love this! So true about confessing your failures instantly so that it does not ‘carry over’!

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