Anger can be the constructive displeasure of mercy. It is an emotion that can be under the control of the Spirit. Commit to the process. Learn to live in anger that’s reasonable and pure and peaceable. (James 3:16-17)

Speaker: Brad Hambrick
Date: 2026-06-14
Time: Sun 6:30 pm
Sermon #13144

Brad Hambrick – thank you for that. That was wonderful. Excellent job from the worship team there. As we said this morning, we’re going to talk about Anger Done Well. Now, you may wonder why we chose that subject. And it’s because P. Schaller told me you guys are an angry bunch of folks! No, that was passionate. I misunderstood. I’m sorry. 

 

But you know, one of the things we talked about this morning was the way that anger was a besetting sin for Moses. We can’t live in a world where stuff really does go wrong and not experience anger. 

 

So again if I could just convey to you like what all anger says. All anger says two things. It says this is wrong and it matters. Sinful anger says a third thing. This is wrong and it matters more than you. And so what we want to do is when things are wrong, and they really do matter, we want to be able to respond to them in God-honoring, Christlike ways. And that’s what we’re going to try to figure out. 

 

So, if we want to go to the next slide here, you can join me over in James chapter 3. I will tell you our goal is not to eliminate the emotion of anger. I’m not going to tell you that anger is a bad emotion. It’s an emotion that gets the better of us. Maybe more often than not. 

 

Our goal, like if I could give you a phrase that is the alternative for sinful anger, it would be the constructive displeasure of mercy. Constructive. That’s the opposite of destructive. When something’s wrong, we want to be a part of the solution. We don’t want to add to the problem. 

 

Displeasure. When something’s wrong, we don’t want to like it. Like if something’s going on in my life and it’s not the way it’s supposed to be, I’m not just going to like smile and put a happy face on it of mercy. I want to see the person or the situation redeemed more than I want to win. That’s what we’re after. The constructive displeasure of mercy.

 

One of my counseling heroes there, David Powlison, shaped me a lot. He says the very fact that God gets angry, he does tell us that anger can be utterly right. It can be good, appropriate, beautiful, the only fair response to something evil and the loving response on behalf of evil’s victims. That’s what we want to learn how to do. 

 

Now, if I can contrast this morning and tonight, this morning was kind of story time. We did a narrative approach to the life of Moses and we drew some lessons from it. Tonight, it’s going to be a little more teachy. I know I’m the new guy. You guys aren’t sure what to make of me yet. And I did one thing this morning. I zigged and I’m going to zag tonight. And you’ll figure me out about the time that I get on a plane. 

 

But if we want to look at James chapter 3, that’s the next slide, vs. 16-17. You know, in verse 16, we see the destructive side for where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. Okay. That’s what sinful anger does. That’s not primarily our focus tonight. That’s what we’re trying to avoid. 

 

But we want something to run to, not just something to run from. And so James tells us, he says, “But wisdom.” So that “but” means he’s contrasting everything that he just said. This is the opposite of it. But wisdom from above is pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy, full of good fruits, impartial, and sincere. 

 

So, if we can go to that next slide, here is our outline. We’re going to walk through those eight qualities that James, the half-brother of Jesus, said this is what anger done right looks like. And I’m going to do something that’s hard for us. I’m going to try to define virtues positively rather than negatively. 

 

Like if I ask you, What is humility? Most of us go, Well, it’s the opposite of pride. Well, that’s what humility is not. That’s not what humility is. And if you only tell me what I’m not supposed to do, and you don’t tell me those good things that I am aspiring to, I only know when I’ve been bad. 

 

I mean, could you imagine playing a game where you only lost points and you never gained points? I think that’s why golf is a miserable sport. It’s why I won’t play it. But if you played a game where you only lost points and never gained points, if you only knew when you committed fouls, not when you did well, that would be demoralizing. 

 

And if we can’t define the “put on’s” of the Christian faith as concretely as we define the “put off’s,” then that begins to be what our faith feels like. And there may be no emotion where we feel that demoralization more than with anger. 

 

And so, with this being a bit more teachy, I’ve got an outline here right now. I just want you to listen. If as we go through this outline, you go, I would like a copy of that, they’re out there. At our church, we call it the next “dext” table. It’s that table there, whatever we call that here.

 

You’re like, Oh, I would like to be able to evaluate some of my moments of anger this way. But we’re going to go through those eight things trying to define in positive terms what those virtues look like in practice. 

 

So, first, #1, anger done well is pure. So, what does it mean? Being pure in motive means acting from a place of good will from a place of integrity, being selfless. When our motives are pure, we are free from hidden agendas and self-serving calculations. Pure motives cultivate trust and authentic connection by removing the need to think in strategic ways. 

 

Like if you’ve been in a conversation where it feels like the other person’s playing chess and you’re playing checkers, it like, that’s not pure. That’s strategic. And so again, on this little handout, if you want to pick one out, like what I invite you to do is just on a scale of 1 to 10, when you have a moment of anger and you’re trying to ask, Did I do anger well? You just kind of score yourself there. 

 

Now, here’s a good litmus test for whether you are doing anger right. Can you receive feedback? If I am selfless, if I’m operating from a point of integrity and I’m a little bothered and you convey to me how I come across to you and how my response impacted you, do I welcome that? If my motive is pure, I should be able to say, Thank you. You’re helping me become more Christlike, not be grousey. Okay. So anger done well is pure.

 

#2. Anger done well is peaceable. What’s that mean? Being peaceable means having a calm presence that prioritizes empathy and understanding over addressing our differences. If I’m a peaceable person, I really do want to understand being peaceable creates a ripple effect of patience that enhances the conflict resolution for both people. 

 

Again, you see I give you some passages that those will be on the handout if you just want to devotionally read through those. Like if I could give you a piece of advice on how to be more peaceable, slow down. Like when a conversation starts moving fast, when the pauses between exchanges evaporate, when we start to interrupt one another, when I start to talk a little more like this, does that come across as peaceable? 

 

Now, several of you said this morning, I like how you talk. Like it’s soothing. I talk slow. I got that southern drawl. But there’s something about when you talk at a relaxed pace, it invites a peaceableness. We have a change to think, and it’s like the conversation can breathe. Even when we disagree, we should maintain that kind of demeanor. Okay. Let’s keep going. 

 

#3. Anger done well is gentle. Being gentle means approaching yourself and the other person with compassion that fosters a sense of safety, deepens empathy, and builds trust. Like if you’ll let me be kind of direct. Some of you are both angry and fair. You’re as nasty to yourself as you are to other people. You ride your own tail hard. When you mess up, you grind you in the ground. And you think because you do that to you, you get to do that to everybody else. 

 

No, you are to be Christlike in response to your own failures and shortcomings as much as you are to be Christlike in your response to the failures and shortcomings of others. Being fair is not an excuse for being rude. 

 

And so, what we’re talking about here cuts both ways. Gentleness conveys that the other person is more important than the outcome of the conflict. Now again, we’ve all had conversations where the outcome was more important than the relationship where it was more important than us. 

 

Consummate example of that is a job interview. How did any of us feel in a job interview? Not good because we know if we don’t perform, there is no relationship. When we fail to be gentle, we create that kind of atmosphere in our living room, in the church foyer, in our workplace. Because our lack of gentleness is conveying whatever the subject of the conversation is, is more important than the relationship. When we’re gentle, we remove that sense of burden and pressure. 

 

#4. James says anger done well is open to reason. Being open to reason is evidenced by a willingness to consider different perspectives and new information. Again, if you want a mark of humility that I think is really underrated, it’s simply being curious. When I’m prideful, I think I know all I need to know. I just need you to start listening. 

 

When I’m open to reason, when I’m humble, I’m willing to learn. I think you have something to add to the conversation that may shape how I think about the outcome. And I do that while remaining curious. 

 

Being open to reason means we can see the strengths and advantages of somebody else’s position even when we disagree. Like I may not land where you land on this topic. I can agree you’re after something good and that there’s value in what you’re saying. Being open to reason generates greater confidence in and unity around the resolved conflict. 

 

When you feel like this is one-sided and you just stop talking because you can tell the other person is not open to reason. How much effort is going into whatever it is we decided? Not much. Because we decided in name only. When we show ourselves in this way to be open to reason, it generates buy in, cooperation, unity. 

 

#5, Anger done well is full of mercy. Being full of mercy is revealed in how we respond to mistakes, weaknesses, or suffering. One of the things we’ll hit tomorrow night when we talk about friendship and how to do that well, I think too often as Christians, we’re what I would call two-basket Christians. There’s the good basket, and if something’s not good, it must be bad. Are those the only two baskets that exist? What about the stuff that’s hard? 

 

Some things are neither good nor bad. They’re just hard. They’re not virtuous. It’s not sinful. It’s suffering. It’s difficulty. Being full of mercy means like again if we’re a parent and we’ve got a child who their aptitude in math is just poor, like they’re not strong in that, we can have compassion. We can show mercy. It’s the child’s not being lazy. They’re not good at math. That’s an area of weakness. 

 

Paul talks about weakness a lot. That’s actually a major New Testament theme that I think we’ve just underdeveloped. Being full of mercy means our first instinct is to understand and relieve hardship. Means we’re prone to ask the question, How can I help? When we’re angry, what’s probably the last question we ask? How can I help? 

 

Again, one thing that from being in the same staff position for 15 years at a church, one of the things that in my seat on the bus, I get to see what things stick from our pastor’s sermons that get you curious. I mean, all of a sudden, like, I got your attention. You’re right here with me now, aren’t you? 

 

But it was probably 12 years ago, our pastor preached a sermon on marriage. And he put a single question before our people and he said, If you ask your spouse this question every day, it will revolutionize your marriage. And for the people that have been in our marriage for 12 years and took him seriously, I can say he’s right this time. And the question is this, How can I serve you? 

 

And when you have somebody who their posture is, How can I help? How can I serve you? It is immensely disarming. It’s hard to think they’re trying to take advantage of you. During conflict, being full of mercy reinforces that you and the other person are on the same team rather than competitors. That’s hard. 

 

Like when I get upset with somebody, frustrated as I prefer to call it, I tend to think they’re on the other team. I have to remind myself we’re on the same team. Anger done well is full of mercy and it doesn’t forget that. 

 

#6. Anger done well bears good fruit. That bearing good fruit entails choosing thoughts, words, actions that build up. That New Testament word “edify others.” Bearing good fruit in conflict refuses to accept short-term tactics that result in long-term harm to the other person or the relationship. 

 

Bearing good fruit requires tending to the relationship in the conflict like farmers tend to their fields. I’ve told you I’m a country boy. I can tell the difference between a good farmer and a bad farmer in a real simple way. A bad farmer is worried about the crop. A good farmer’s worried about the soil. 

 

A bad farmer will abuse the soil to get a better crop. And what they get this year will begin to depreciate what they are able to get from the soil every year after that. A good farmer’s much more worried about the soil. They know if I take good care of the soil, we’re going to have a good crop. 

 

In our anger, when we fail to have that mindset long term about bearing good fruit, we are willing to put all the chips to the middle of the table on an outcome in a way that starts to look at the crop of this relationship, of this conflict, more than the soil of this conflict. 

 

#7. That doing conflict, I’m sorry. Anger done well is impartial. Being impartial means approaching people in situations with fairness and objectivity. This is most difficult to do when your ideas and preferences are at stake. 

 

Again, if I could define the word “honor” positively, it’s to fairly represent what you’re saying in tone and conflict. Again, prototypical example between parents. One parent looks at the other parent and says, I think you were a little harsh. 

 

And that parent who is not able to be impartial, who is not honoring, who is not representing what is being said with fairness and objectivity, goes, Oh, I guess I’m just a terrible parent and you know everything. I’m abusive. I should just leave. I bet James Dobson’s going to write his next book with you, huh? And all of a sudden there was what was offered as a polite comment trying to address a potentially legitimate concern through being impartial or through being partial becomes hostile. 

 

When two people are impartial, it facilitates better listening. A greater variety of options, not just mine and yours, emerge. Again, in any conflict, there are more than two potential options. It starts with two: mine and yours. When we have this trait, we’re like, Hey! Of the things we could do, here are two options. What else is on the table? Um, it really changes the way that goes. 

 

#8. Anger done well is sincere. Being sincere means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and intentions with authenticity. The opposite of sincerity is hidden agenda. When our beliefs, values, and choices are aligned, when there’s less conflict within us, it’s easier to navigate conflict between us. 

 

So, again, we all do this if I can try to prove it to you. One of those areas where I think probably almost all of us are conflicted, we want to be in shape. That’s a value. We don’t really want to go to the gym. We don’t like sweating. We don’t like waking up sore. There’s an internal conflict. Most of us want to save money, and we want to buy something today. That sincerity means my beliefs, values, choices are aligned. 

 

Sometimes the conflict between us is revealing the tensions in me. And the more aligned my beliefs and values and choices are, the easier it is for us to get along. And so, what I invite you to do is again handout’s out there. That if we’re asking how can I begin to do anger well? When you have something that gets you flustered, when you get a little spicy, when there’s too much heat in your chili, however it is that you want to say it, and you take some time and you look at it and you go through on each of these measures where I’ve tried to give you positive definitions. Not, Was I bad when I was angry? But, Did I do anger well? And you begin to score yourself on a 1 to 10. And what you can do is just over time, your goal is to get closer to 80. Can not necessarily be at 80. Just over time, you want to get increasingly moving in that direction. 

 

See, this is where my alter ego. Kind of bad day. I’m a pastor/counselor. In my off time, I love being a coach. As a coach, I am process oriented. Baseball was my game of choice. Pitching was the area that I developed that I was like best at coaching. And so a kid may come to me and he goes, Coach, I want to throw 90. Like I don’t really care about the outcome. 

 

Tell me how much sleep you’re getting. Tell me what you’re eating. Tell me what your stretching routine is like. Tell me what your workout plan is like. Are you committed to a process? Are you paying attention to your mechanics? We can get into the details of that where it gets boring. To me, it’s exciting, but we’re probably taken that illustration as far as we need to. If you commit to the process, you’ll start to see growth towards the outcome. 

 

We were having the conversation as we were starting service. I took piano lessons for 8 years for one reason, and that reason is at the end of every year of taking piano lessons, my mother asked me the most manipulative question ever. Awful question. 

 

She would look at me and she would say, Brad, do you want to take piano again or do you want to quit? I don’t quit. Quit is a four-letter word. I am way to tenacious to quit. It took me 8 tries to figure out what was going on. I was not good at playing the piano.

 

Part of the reason I was not good at playing the piano is because I was a perfectionist. I would play the song until I made a mistake. Then I would bang on the keyboard, get frustrated like tramps around the house, and then come back and try to do it again. I was so focused on the outcome, playing the song right, I couldn’t practice. 

 

Part of the grace of God is we get to practice. If you look at what Paul said with the emotion of anxiety in Philippians 4, you know, he goes through, “be anxious for nothing.” He gives us a whole list of things that talked about like what we can think about. He says, Remember when I was with you. So, he talks about his own experience with it. He says, Practice these things. 

 

Progressive sanctification, growing a little bit like Christ more every day. That was God’s idea. And so my encouragement to you, commit to the process. We can go one more slide here. So, back to our big idea. Our goal is not to eliminate anger. I really don’t want you to be calm for the rest of your life. Partly because I don’t think that’s possible. And in a broken world, I don’t even think it’s right. 

 

But for many of us, like the passage we keep going to when we get a little defensive is we think about Jesus in the temple. Kind of got it up there from Matthew 21, because like that’s the point when we want to be Christlike. We want to be Christlike turning tables over and getting after it. 

 

I want you to notice what Matthew said about what happened right after that event went down. It says the blind and the lame came to him. When Jesus was his most demonstrably angry, the vulnerable found him safe. He knew that was for them. It was a form of protection. It wasn’t a tirade. It wasn’t out of control. They weren’t backing up going maybe we’ll see Jesus tomorrow. 

 

And so, this gives us a way where we can go, I want to learn to do anger like that, where there are things that are wrong and they do matter, but I don’t want them to matter more than my character and I don’t want them to matter more than the people in my life. 

 

And so, what I’d like to do now is this is not something we can do in our own strength. So, I’d like for you to pray with me that we would just invite God to do more of this work in each one of our hearts. (Prayer) 

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